11/19/2021

I want to cry. I want to litter the ground with an excessive amount of tears while watching cheesy rom coms all night. But I realized you have to actually have been in love to really feel the pain of these types of movies, and I for one, have never fallen in love before. Of course I've had a crush but it's not like I actually got to know them or vice versa. If everyone is kept eye candy, floating in the distance, you can’t ever actually get hurt and that seems fine with me. But even as I write that, I know it's a lie. I know I should let people in but sometimes that seems easier said than done. I want to be loved; to be in love. Adele once said,”Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements?” Maybe I was made to put love out into the world and not recieve it. If so, God will be hearing from me very soon. If Joe March couldn't even stay a spinster, how can I?

 I deserve better than I give myself or let myself have. I have good music taste, I’m okay with just hanging out, I let people borrow whatever they want, and I always compromise and try to make everyone happy. Why do I always get shit on? Can someone please explain to me when selfishness became admirable? These people will never be my true friends. They are always gonna be bitches who know how to make others feel like shit about themselves. But not me. Not anymore. I’m too good for them and honestly I would rather just be alone and like myself then be surrounded by people and have to change myself to fit the mold they want me to.